Ooh baby I like it raw…
As I’ve mentioned before I have lost a significant portion of my life to watching televison , time that I could’ve perhaps spent better by getting married , having kids or creating a scale model of the Titanic made from plastic coffee stirrers, but now and again something comes on that makes me think to myself “I’m glad I’ve stoically sat here wasting my life for it has all led up to this moment. Other people may well be out there making a difference , saving AIDS babies , building wells , negotiating peace treaties…but I am here , right now , watching this insanity. Ha! The joke is on them. Who’s winning now, huh? In your face achievement!”
Yes it’s not healthy to live vicariously through other people on television but it’s easier and you can do it in your pants if that’s your thing. You really have to get out there if you want to experience some weird stuff and that’s my new vow , to say “yes” , get out of my comfort zone and into my discomfort zone. As Ken Kesey once said “I’d rather be a lightening rod than a seismograph” . I’d like be both but…
I digress.
Wife Swap, I used to watch it quite a bit but it’s seems to have got a bit tired of late because you just know that everybody involved will end up learning something , crying a bit and endind up appreciating what they have at home that little bit more. Yawn. What I like is when you get a family on it who are so unrepentantly loops that they’ll take any affront to their way of living as an all out attack on their family.
The clip below is from an edition where one of the families are a nice liberal family from San Francisco and the other are a bunch of survivalists from Iowa. The survivalist family want their kids so prepared for the eventual armageddon that they perceive is coming , that they all survive on a diet of raw food only. Nothing cooked whatsover…including meat. Now I love my sashimi and I when I order steak I go for it bloody as hell but these people eat raw chicken salad. RAW CHICKEN SALAD. It’s just strips of white/pink chicken flesh mixed up with peppers and carrots. For some reason I find that more disturbing than if these people simply grabbed the chickens and stuffed them into their mouthes feathers and all. Not content with just fresh , raw meat , the dad has a jar of green chunks of rotting steak he calls “High Meat” that he snacks on.
The kids don’t look healthy either mentally or physically and I would speculate that the brother and sister may have slept together at some point (this is merely speculation but they were both of that kind of age and I can’t imagine any of their peers wanting a fumble with them after taking a peek inside their lunchboxes. Being the survivalists that they are I’d imagine it has been drummed into them that they must continue the human race at any cost even if it did mean impregnating a sibling. The post apocolyptic world will be kinder to the cyclops then the ancient greeks I’m sure). After one particularly stressful situtation the son is left in hysterics so the dad instructs him , “Calm down son , go have an egg” to which the boy heads teary eyed and snot heavy to the kitchen where he cracks open an egg and downs the contents from the shell in the same way that you and I might knock back a brandy after receiving some devastating news. Amazingly it works for him.
This family are not well balanced. Witness below the devastating aftermath wrought by the swapped wife after she makes the survivalists go for a cooked meal…the heartless bitch. Oh and the dad , if this is how he reacts to going out for a hamburger I’m not confident that he’ll handle armageddon quite as well as he thinks.
